Humility?!? I'm The Most Humble Person I KNOW!

Well, let's talk a minute about humility-and about how I must have the most in the world.

So, if you're catching my drift, you may also be catching the sarcastic tone I'm writing in. Recently some events took place in my life that really hurt my feelings. People said things. People did things. It hurt my feelings. Regardless of whether they meant to or not, people made me feel little, small, unimportant and worth betraying.

What really impacted me more than the actions of others though was the way I responded. I got angry. By angry I mean I wanted to flick someone off--haha. Which if you know me, I am nearly physically incapable of doing that (mostly because I'm a closet goody-two-shoes). I thought mean thoughts, hoping the people who hurt me would be hurt by someone else. I was also hoping that I could pout in such a way that they would know just by seeing me how upset at them I was and that they would immediately fall at my feet, sheepishly begging for my forgiveness....

The forgiveness I was unwilling to give without a grandiose apology; the forgiveness I was unwilling to consider until I got what I "deserved" (whatever I wanted) from them; the forgiveness I wanted to hand out begrudingly so they would understand how important and special I truly am. The same forgiveness I was granted freely by God through Christ.

I've been challenged at work to choose a verse that would help "inspire" me in some way: professionally, personally, whatever. I've been asked to select a verse that would remind me that Christ is the center of everything. Interestingly enough, the verse I keep coming to is
Matthew 10:7-8:

"And as you go, preach, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons. Freely you received, freely give."

I know this verse isn't talking about forgiveness. I know there are plenty of other verses that are. But what has struck me over and over again about this verse is the last part: "Freely you received, freely give." That phrase covers the attitude I ought to have in so many situations. It shows the attitude I'm lacking.

I have a problem with humility. I am admitting it. I'm getting help...from the only One who can help me. So, humbly I go, seeking to give freely since He has given so freely to me.

Maple is 1/2 WOLF

Tommie might be half wolf too...considering that is him in the background...ENJOY!

I'm a Working Woman

That's me at work...

I'm posting from work. I'm here at studentlife where I work as a copywriter for the marketing team. That means I write all day. I write the words that go on Web sites and publications, etc. It does NOT mean that I help people get copyRIGHTS. That's something else entirely. Something I'm sure I could never do.

Maple recovered well from getting spayed last week. It was sad, but it's over! And now she has her own little doggy bed next to ours. She's stayed in her bed since her surgery and is behaving for the most part. Although I think she pooped on the floor the other day just to get me back for leaving her at home by herself for too long...Or maybe I just left her at home by herself for too long...

Tommie is busy recording. This is some of the greatest music I've ever heard him create. I'm really proud and when you get a chance you ought to ask him about it.

Tommie's brother, Kenny, is coming to town on Friday to play the drums for the college-group take over of the worship service on Sunday. It should be sweet and a good chance to have Kenny visit. Not to mention, all of the older folks at our church just love Kenny's long locks and fierce rocker style.

I'm gearing up to sew more. I'm putting portions of my paycheck toward some sewing essentials and then, hopefully SOON, I'll be sewing some fantastic clothes worthy of PROJECT RUNWAY! (yeah, maybe that's a dream...but it's a good one!) I'm going to start with skirts, move to shirts and then finish with pants for this couple-month long installment of learning to sew better. I'll update you with my creations as they come.

For those of you in Florida, keep your eyes peeled! The Bozich Element will be making it's way down through Gainesville and then on to Tampa from Feb. 21-28. I have to get back before that, but Tommie will be there for the whole time. So mark your calendars, give us a call and let us know so we can make some time to see you!!!!

I think that's the main gig for now. I'm headed over to watch Jack Bauer kick butt tonight (although Tommie's a bigger fan than me), so if you're into that, count me among your ranks...Just thought I'd throw that one in for free.

Okay, that's all for now. Got to stop slacking and get back to work!

Love.

Alisa is now employed...

I got the job! My first day is next Tuesday. Thank you God. To Your glory.

That's all there is to say today!

VERITAS! Truly....

First and foremost, thanks to those who inquired about my job interview that I had yesterday. It was a great interview. I know I presented myself sincerely, truly how I would be if I actually worked there. Also, I got a tour of the facility, which is really sweet. They even have a nursery for the 12 youngest children of employees (I guess at 13 they have to be state registered or something...). The people there are a mix of older, but mostly our age people and they seem like they'd be great to work with. Jack, the marketing manager who I interviewed with, introduced me to everyone, so that's encouraging! He even prayed with me at the end, that we would both search for God's will in this employment, that Tommie and my marriage would be blessed, and that we both would focus on bringing God's love through Christ to everyone. It was awesome. I don't know if I have the job yet, but trust me, I'll keep you posted. I think I should know by early next week.

in other news....
I mentioned in my last post a book I just finished: Finding God Beyond Harvard: The Quest for Veritas. I thought in this post I would post a few tantalizing thoughts I gleaned from that read. So here goes:

1. God's primary concern is love, not morality.
DON'T HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING! I don't mean to say that God doesn't care if we run around like hoodlums, slicing each other up and stealing candy from babies. I'm pretty sure that would break God's heart. What I mean is that when someone asked, "Teacher, what is the greatest commandment?" Jesus replied, "The greatest commandment is this, 'Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
I think that sounds easy but is exceptionally hard. I believe God's love and Christ's sacrifice changes us to people with similar morals, but it's hard to not look at someone and judge how much they love God by the way they live their life.
Anyway, when confronted with this issue in front of about 150-200 college students (who tend to be a bit sophmoric if I do say so myself...), here's what the author of this book I read, Kelly Kullberg, said:
"I'm not pushing morality on anyone. the point is that God, like a loving father, doesn't want his children used or exploited. His Word says that that we're not meant to love and then leave, or to be left, repeatedly. Regarding gender, if you thinkn about our anatomies, there's a rather obvious, um, design there. Like pieces of a puzzle fitting together. naturally, we'd see disease and confusion where design is repeatedly abused, and we'd see wellness where design is respected. God wants us to live well in the body. He wants to heal our minds, hearts and bodies, and for us to become merciful healers..."
That doesn't say it all, but it's helped me reshape my mind, not just about sexual morality, but about not sinning in general. It's God's mercy that he instructs us not to sin- he doesn't want us to be exploited by false truths. Praise God for his mercy. Forgive me when I ignore it and plunge headfirst into pain.

2. God is the greatest thing to happen to women since....The Beginning of Time!
I think, not unlike many collegiate women, I've struggled silently with the call of our culture to make a strong name for myself as a women and the desire I have to be loved as a woman in the most traditional sense. It's a paradox of living as an alien here. It's hard though. Here's a thought-provoker from Kelly Kullberg regarding this issue of Feminism and the Bible:
"Feminism started as a Christian movement to value women and men as equal image-bearers of the Creator, not as an effort to de-gender women or emulate a male model for success. rather, the early Christian view honored the uniqueness of women and acknowledged their stories, including the curse to Eve: that we'd be tempted to take our identity from a husband rather than the Lord, that we'd know pain in child-bearing and child-raising, that thorns would pierce our hearts. Christian feminism looked to Christ as the redeemer of that curse... As for the Bible and feminism, my assigned talk tonight, I've read many origin texts that attempt to tell the story in which we live: Native American, Hindu, atheist, humanist, Buddhist, Islamic, pagan and Wiccan. I'm suggesting that only one story has the ring of truth-a personal, loving God created men and women equal. They are equal in his image to love him but have secondary differences in order to love and serve one another. They also have a unique purpose: through an act of love, they continue to create and nurture life in his image."

3. Jesus is the answer to hard questions.
Alot of times we leave our hard questions out of the pool of things we ask God. There's slight fear that maybe He can't really live up to evolution, charges of being unloving in a world full of evil, all-knowing, a healer. We fear these things and dare not bring them before the God we still struggle to believe exists. It may kill our faltering faith. I have found though, as Kelly Kullberg suggests, that it is in the midst of bringing our doubts that God proves most faithful.
"Jesus' offer of forgiveness and new life is the answer to sexism, racism, consumerism, injustice and cynicism. Where there is forgiveness and love, the cycle of evil is broken. Bitterness dissolves and gratitude emerges. With Jesus as our best friend, the world begins to look new and full of possibilities. Full of hope."
We don't need to be afraid to ask, "Where is God in DNA?" Did you know the head of the human Genome project is a Christian and speaks at these Veritas Forums?!? I mean, COME ON!! If that's not a hard questions. We can ask God, what about creation? What about pain? He's big enough. We don't have to deflect questions from others, fearing God cannot answer. We ought to pursue those questions with a fervor-not for simple answers that refuse to acknowledge the possibility of God's existence, but a fervor for looking for God in academics, a place that he has nearly been forbidden from in the past few years.

I loved this book, if you couldn't tell. I think God is speaking loudly through this woman who had the faith that God had more answers than we gave Him credit for. She also had the faith that sometimes that mystery is the answer....

So, go explore! I hope you enjoyed this short, short jaunt into my thoughts from this book. If you happen to read it or explore the Web site, where you can listen to academic experts exhort God, let me know what you thought!

She Working Hard To Work For A Living....

YIKES! Does that title even make sense? I guess what I'm trying to say is: I HAVE A CALLBACK INTERVIEW!!! God is so faithful to me even in my disbelief or doubt.

The job I'm applying for is part-time copywriter for a company called StudentLife. The organization hosts camps and conferences and produces Bible study material for students. I'm in luck because they are based here in Birmingham and are in need of someone to produce copy for their Web site, promotional materials and in-house productions. I'm psyched because I think part-time is something I'm totally into right now... that way it won't be such a shock going from six months of no work at all. Anyway, the interview is tomorrow, Wednesday at 9 a.m.

In other news, I completed a book this week that was phenomenal. It's called Finding God Beyond Harvard, by Kelly Monroe Kullberg. It's about how we don't have to set aside our intellectual questions to believe in God and the saving power of Christ. Apparently the book corresponds to speakers and forums around the nation filled with top academics who are describing their science in the realm of God rather than the other way around. If this sounds interesting to you, and I hope it at least does to you Melissa, then check out the Veritas forums Web site.

I think that's it for this morning. I'd write more...maybe something with an intellectual tilt, but I have to save all of that up for my interview assignment. I have to re-write some of the copy on StudentLife's Web site for tomorrow's interview. Seriously though, check out that book and let me know what you think....I think it's amazing!

Peace and Love,
*alisa*

The Almost, New Orleans and Rob Bell...

Tommie and I drove in this morning at 3 a.m. We put our sleepy puppy to bed and crashed, falling asleep in minutes. When I woke up this morning and began to burn the fog out of my groggy mind, I started to put together the pieces of thoughts I collected in the past two days.


The reason Tommie and I got home so late is that we left New Orleans, LA, at about 10 p.m. We had gone to see Kenny, Tommie's brother, play a show at the House of Blues. He did a fantastic job. The kid is a prodigy. He's 17 and on a national tour. Whoa.

I guess though, in order to collect the thoughts, I ought to start a little farther back than the incredible drumming we had the pleasure of seeing and hearing. I ought to start with our drive into the city of Slidell, LA, just outside of New Orleans. As we drove down the ever-lengthening, dreary I-10, we all of a sudden began to see signs of life. We also began to see signs of destruction and reminders of the horrors that befell New Orleans over a year ago. It's funny, I guess I had it in my mind that they would have had everything all cleaned up by now, all traces of Katrina erased and new, better things in place to whitewash the memories of the weary residents and the curious tourists. I was wrong though. Trees were down all over the place. Apartment complex after complex was in ruin with no sign of anyone doing anything to improve them. Neighborhoods were pockmarked with ruined houses belonging to residents who were either not returning or unable to repair their damaged homes. All this lay in stark contrast to the homes residents had taken the opportunity to not only rebuild, but improve. The same was true of the city itself. Ramshackle store fronts stood next to remodeled businesses thriving (or at least surviving) in the post-Katrina Crescent City.

I tell you this because it made me think, there's much that could be done for those people.

As we drove home, trying desperately to not let our sleepy minds take control of our tired eyes, we listened to a podcast of Rob Bell, a contributing pastor at Mars Hill in Grand Rapids. He was talking about serving people. He was talking about changing the world through service. Not the dreamy pie-in-the-sky utopian ideals spouted by those who haven't been in the real world, but truly "hearing the cry of the oppressed" as Jesus did and serving them as our Lord would.

What does it mean to "hear the cry of the oppressed?" It means to actually know someone who is poor, downtrodden, abused, in need--oppressed. It means to know them and to do your best to serve their need-Not just to medicate their need by giving handouts, but to care for them.

So, this trip has me thinking, New Orleans, Africa, Eastern Europe, the Middle East, all of these places and more are in need of something. Our neighbors, our families, our friends and the people we meet, someone is in need. We do not have to help ALL of these people. We must help who we can. We must help one. One first. Then one next. It is like Christ. It is our calling.

I would love to post millions of ways to help, but I don't know them all. Feel free to post a comment to this blog with a ministry you think people could support. In the mean time, I'd like to advocate an organization one of my friends believes deeply in, an organization I am going to look into and hopefully support: The Mocha Club.

Do what you can. Serve one.

How Long Until I Believe God?

It's been forever since I posted. There's been no news, no pictures, no updates---just silence. I think that silence is a good indicator about how I've felt lately. I LOVE being married, but I have no job and stay at home with our puppy, Maple, all day. If I had thought that when I got married that I would be doing this maybe I wouldn't feel so down about it. The truth is though, this is not what I expected at all.

I expected to have a job. I expected Tommie and I to get home from work, both talking about the challenges of our days filled with pleasing our bosses and sipping coffee-like drinks to keep up with the workload. Instead, I didn't get a job when I first got here and I've spent most evenings asking Tommie about work and telling him about the challenges of my day filled with keeping Maple from doing her business on our carpet and how the laundry or meal didn't turn out just right.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been bad, it just wasn't what I expected and I think for a while it got me down. I've been reading DONALD MILLER's book "SEARCHING FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT" and it's been talking about our need for God to tell us who we are. In fact, Miller suggests that as humans we are formed to have something outside of ourselves tell us who we are. In the Beginning, that person was God, but after the Fall, that relationship was broken and we've been searching for that voice ever since.

This makes sense to me. I've been looking for a job position, a husband, a group of new friends, or my status to tell me who I am. I've been looking for the difficulty of my day, the amount of praise I receive from other people---all of these things I've been hoping had the answer to who I am, and hopefully they would say that I'm amazing, beautiful, talented, smart and, above all, needed. But they haven't said a word of that. Instead, my lack of a job has said that I'm lazy, not good enough, small, insignificant. My simple days have told me that I'm not special, that I could be replaced. Though my husband tells me wonderful things, he could never live up to the voice I NEED to hear.

God tells me those things. It's just that lately, I haven't even bothered to hear who he says I am. I haven't spent 20 minutes listening to what God has for me, who he says I am or what He says I can do. It's all in the Bible too. It says in Romans that there is no condemnation in Christ- I don't have to hear the voice that tells me I'm nothing. Throughout the New Testament it says that in Christ I am a new creation-I'm not simple or boring, I'm brand new and I am in the image of Christ. In the same vein, I am created after God's own image--physically or not, that means God will tell me I'm beautiful and exactly what He wanted. The Bible also says that by God I am loved...I am not insignificant. I am needed. I am loved by God and in Christ.

I need to change the way I measure who I am. I need to believe God when He tells me who I am. When it's God who measures me I can be happy doing anything because He's there, whispering in my ear and in my heart, "continue this way my beautiful girl, you're doing great." I think that's why 2 Corinthians talks about doing everything as though unto the Lord: we really are meant to please our God first and foremost. His voice is the one that matters.

So apron or suit, carpet cleaner or laptop, high heels or socked feet, walks with the puppy or days at the office, whatever I do, I know who I am-not because of what I do, but because of who God says I am.

I believe Him.

WE GOT MARRIED--AND NOW YOU CAN SEE IT!

That's right folks. After a long two months, wedding photos are finally up!

Just click this red word: photos to go to our wedding photobook. Click on any of the four categories of photos and check out our Alabama vow exchange!

If you want a copy of any, just let me know and I'll send something your way!

Much love----Alisa Bozich

Shane&Shane in our car, on our phones...

Let's go on tour. Have babies on a bus. Pop tires in every city we visit...

So, Shane and Shane are playing a concert at our church tonight and Tommie, myself and some of our friends have had the privilege of hanging out with them and their crew all day setting up the stage and whatnot. Shane Evrett's wife is pregnant and beautiful-that's what the baby thing is about. And they popped a tire on their trailor this afternoon, so we've been running around little ol' Trussville, AL looking for the right tire for them-that's what the popping the tire thing is about.

I had the opportunity to be chauffeur for a few of the musicians and whatnot also. It's been a busy day filled with work, food, fun and new people, all of whom have been exceptionally nice.

It all makes me think though, are Tommie and I ready for this? I feel the beginning of something in Tommie's voice as he talks about going on tour someday, something that makes me think it's not a day so far away. I would be totally for it, but it just makes me examine all these people here all that much closer. It also makes me wonder, who would I be in the midst of that? I know I would be Tommie's wife, but what else? Do I need something else?

I think it's kind of like this, last night one of our friends called and said that he needed and extra girl to play on his rec softball team that night or they'd be disqualified and could I please play? Well, I may not be the best softballer out there, but I can hold my own! So Tommie and I went out there and I was actually pretty excited to have Tommie be out there in the stands, uninvolved, simply there because I was. I was looking forward to having him cheering for me without being in it himself. I guess, in reality, I was excited to be the ONLY half of our pair in the spotlight for an event. Well, it turned out our friend needed an extra guy too, so Tommie donned a jersey and came out and played too. He did great-he really has an incredbile arm! I had no idea. Anyway, Tommie came out and played shortstop beautifully, enough that all the guys were impressed, and I played second base a little sloppily, but still okay, and I made a hit that got me at least on first. So both of us did well and Tommie did GREAT.

Is it wrong though that though we played together and had so much fun and we both did pretty well (Tommie very well) that I was a little disappointed that it wasn't just me playing and him watching? He got to be in my spotlight. I think it bruised my ego. Anyway, relating back to the on tour thing, I wonder if that's how I will feel all the time? I want to be excited to be on tour with my husband, him in the spotlight, me on the sidelines cheering him on without resentment. That's I guess my single hesitation about touring right now at this second-I need a heart adjustment. I imagine it's coming. God rarely let's me just think about these things and not get them resolved.

Who knows, maybe I'll even have a chance to talk to Shane's wife about it and see what she thinks...So, wish the guys luck with their show tonight and go see them if they're in your town... here's the link to their site, which I hope has tour dates for you:
shane&shane

Apologies, Apologies....

Okay, so it truly has been a while since I posted last. I would like to tell you all though that I think it's for decent reasons! I'm married, graduated and have moved to Trussville, AL. In short, it's been a busy month for me.

But bags and boxes are unpacked, the job hunt is on and our house has even been TP'd one time already. I'd say it's about time to get things back in gear-especially since I know you've all been waiting desperately for another post!

So, marriage is nothing at all like I thought it would be. Actually, it is something like I thought it would be: Tommie and I live in one house and sleep in one bed (two twin matresses stuffed inot a king size frame) and we eat together and share finances and life, etc. I guess what I mean is that the emotional and spiritual side of marriage I don't think I could fathom before it actually happened. It's been interesting to compare the way we have felt during these four weeks of marriage-loving, complacent, excited, distanct, incredibly close-to compare those feelings and contexts to our relationship with God.

I think the most striking thing for me is how much marriage has confirmed my relationship with Christ and the Father and how much that relationship with our God has confirmed my relationship with Tommie. I realize that despite any feelings of distance from either of them, the commitment of love we have binds us. Christ binds us: Colossians 1:16-18. He binds both me to the Father and Tommie and I to each other. That makes those days of distance not seem so scary and seem like something that will bring growth. And it has. The days of admiration and love for one or the other also causes me to examine the way I feel towards the other. God's divine creation is us, and his divine command is LOVE. I think that's why the mystery of love is consuming right now---not the mushy feelings you're all expecting newlywed to harbor, but a true, raw, committed love that stands firm even in times of doubt or diappointment. Love is consuming me because I didn't realize what it was, or I hadn't thought about it in a while. GOD is love. He is an eternal mystery and therefore love will always be to me as well.

Finally, I'd like to mention a quote that I heard from a man named Ravi Zacharias: "Love is a posture of the soul." Think about it.

More to come.

to see some photos from our wedding click here.

LONG TIME! No Talk-What's Up With Me Anyway?

New Things.

So, it's been a pretty long while since I posted last. This summer has been a whirlwind, but I decided it's time to remember my responsibilities and get back to work! So, here is your sneak peek into what's been going on with me and what's to come (not in any order...well, actually, I'll save the best for last so you read the whole entry):

1. I got published again!
I'm excited to say that radiantmag.com has published an article that may seem familiar to those of you who consistently read my blog. It's even the lead article! Actually, they published my previous blog entry on their on-line magazine. Here's the link for now, though it will probably only be good for about a week:
radiantmag.com
If you're trying after about August 7, 2006 you'll probably have to try this link:

http://www.radiantmag.com/article.php?id=102

I'm psyched about that and looking to try and get into their print magazine here in the near future, so keep your eyes peeled!

2. I'm graduating college!
On August 12 I will officially graduate the University of Florida with a degree in Public Relations. After sixteen years of school it's about time I have something profound to show for it!
GO Gators!

3. I'm becoming Mrs. Tommie Bozich!
That's right everyone. I'm getting married on August 19! The insanity of graduation will be tempered by the following weekends activity: having a wedding! Tommie and I are getting married in Eutaw, Alabama on a farm and I can't WAIT to post some pictures. I'm looking forward to marriage, but my nerves also let me know that I need to lean on God first and foremost. That's another reason I haven't posted lately...I've been planning a wedding!
If you think about us, please pray for us, that our marriage will exemplify Christ's love for his Church.
You can expect some interesting posts as I get used to the idea of being a wife and HAVING A HUSBAND! (and learning to share a closet...)

I can't wait to post again after all of this whirlwind dies down.
In Christ-*me*

The Dream

The dream.

There are some dreams that are very individual. For instance, when I was in the second grade I fell in love with the boy that sat next to me. He was a new boy at school and I knew we were destined to be married (I guess I was a hopeless romantic even then). I dreamt one night of him and another cute boy in my grade fighting in a boxing ring for my attention while I sat by the side in a gorgeous red gown awaiting the winner- who would obviously be the new boy. It was a good dream and I had it more than once. It’s nice to be liked by boys, and that was a dream that I had then.

I’m not in the second grade anymore though. Chances are, neither are you.

The things we used to dream of have changed-even if the core values may still be similar. There is one dream though that seems to have caught us all as we have grown. It has whispered in our ears what we want to hear, and we have listened and followed in pursuit. We want it. We shape our lives to gain it. We dream about it.

We dream of the good life.

What is the good life? Well, I guess that depends on you and what things you hold dear. For many of us it is the nice house with the right number of kids and the good-looking or successful spouse by our side encouraging us to follow our dreams of more ‘good stuff’. For others it is a life of total independence, exploring the world with few rules and even fewer things to tie us down. For others the dream is still undefined, but we dream of the dream. We dream of knowing what we want to do and knowing how to get there.
As women, the dream calls to us in our relationships, our careers and our families, asking us to chase it with all of what we’re made of.

I guess if we’re devoting our lives to it, if we’re giving all we’re made of to it, we ought to ask, where is our dream coming from?

I’m convinced lately that many of the things I’ve dreamed of having in my life I’ve dreamed of because someone else told me it was the right dream, the most desirable thing. But i living in the suburbs with a nice car and a nice house really the dream I should pursue? Is traveling the world in pursuit of beauty and truth really what will fulfill me? Will having a ‘passion’ (other than Christ) really make me whole?

I think sometimes we confuse what other people call success with the completion of God’s intention for our lives. What is it that God wants me dreaming of? What is it that Christ desires of my life? Is it the suburban life? If it is, then I want it. If it’s not, I want to know that and to look for what He’s calling me to.

It says in Proverbs 20:24 “Man’s steps are ordained by the Lord, How then can man understand his way?” I think I so often get the idea that my steps are ordained by my dreams. I feel like if I’ve dreamt of it, then it must be a dream that I should step toward. I’m learning more and more though that the steps I take in my life toward something really should be the steps God is directing me to. That’s hard because sometimes God’s steps seem out of synch with the successes calling our names from our dreams. It’s hard because sometimes God doesn’t make sense in my understanding of logic. But the thing is, I may not understand His way, but I know that it is the way that will lead me to the ultimate dream of my life as a Christian: Living in a way that is worthy of the gift of Christ, gaining in the death of my dreams more than I ever could have found in the pursuit of the empty life chasing dreams I created on my own.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe God gives us dreams and passions sometimes that do direct our steps. The difference is, God has given us those dreams, and we haven’t dreamt them up ourselves in an effort to fill some sort of selfish purpose.

We need to know the source of dreams. We need to know where they come from, so we know where they might lead us.

To sum it up, Colossians 3:1-4, says it pretty well:
“Therefore, if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.”

He is our life. Let Him be our dream.

I Got Published!

Hey all! I happened to get published on Radiant Magazine's online magazine last week. Here's a link to check it out!

http://www.radiantmag.com/article.php?id=75

Also, here are some comments from various readers. I have to say, I am beyond grateful that an article I wrote connected withreaders. Thank you for your responses. (also, just a note, the one letter referring to "Allison" is [as far as I can tell] meant to say "Alisa")

http://www.radiantmag.com/article.php?id=77

Keep checking on Radiantmag.com for other articles you might enjoy, and keep your eyes peeled and maybe you'll see more from me!

Jesus is My Treasure

I was born with a contrary spirit- I'm convinced.

Everything I see I feel could or should be examined differently or done in a different way. Every argument has another side. I don't think I always bring up the other side in conversation, but I can guarantee you that I'm almost always thinking of it.

Last night I went to an event at our University of Florida BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministries) at which there were response cards to be filled out by the students in reaction to the salvation message given by one of the student pastors from a nearby church.

The message was presented quite tastefully with Christ as the center and public and personal opinion primarily left by the wayside. I thought the story of Christ was presented well. (And isn't it funny that I think my opinion counts so much.)

My story of Jesus as my "treasure" begins whenI examined the response cards with my friends as we were being directed by the student pastor to fill them out according to our decision we made that night. The first line said, "I have asked Jesus to be my treasure." I looked at that and immediately thought, "What the heck does that mean?" There was no mention of Jesus as treasure in the message, no relevancy of the word to that night's preaching. Granted, I know the intent of using that word, but seriously, did my non-Christian friends who were attending, searching for Christ, did they know what it meant to ask Christ to be their treasure? I don't think I would even be able to explain it to them. It seemed like such a misuse, or rather a vague description of what the Christian call truly is asking of us. Count the cost, right? Tell them the cost.

Additionally, there was a line that said, "I am already commited to Christ, but have been doing things apart from Christ and would like to rededicate my life to Jesus." I have a HUGE problem with that word, rededicate. In my estimation, we are called to Christ and answer him one time. Rededication to me sounds like an easier word than saying repentance. If we have been called to Christ and have strayed, our duty then is to repent not to rededicate, which seems like an offering of promises to try harder when the only one who can perfect us is not ourselves, but rather, Christ.

I know this sounds like a harsh review of something seemingly inconsequential in the great scheme of things. I realize that response cards, ultimately, cannot interfere with the work of the Holy Spirit. It just seems like we could be doing things so much better. I am a word person, always looking for the perfect word to fill a void in a paper or a card. There are others out there who are word people too who might agree with me that these words conceal the reality of Christ's calling to some degree by placing the true understanding of salvation under a veil of "Christianese" that is nearly impenetrable by those outside the Christian circle.

It's not that I'm condemning these cards or their writers. I am just suggesting that we can do it better and we ought to try. I don't even disagree with the phrase "Jesus is my treasure." He truly is. But without an explanation as to why that is, I can't imagine someone else understanding that usage.

Jesus is my treasure.

[This is an old piece that I was looking over. I think it accurately describes the way I feel about Tommie...I was also thinking, I think this is the way I feel about God-except more...]

November 14, 2005

I woke up this morning in the Tampa airport as the sun was coming overthe buildings and reminding me to open my eyes. I had fallen asleep, waiting at the gate, and as I woke an overwhelming sense that I was about to have an adventure overcame me. Traveling always does that to me, it makes me hungry for adventure, hungry for a new beginning and so much potential. It scares me and thrills me, and as I sat there, I thought- "Tommie would love a morning like this. He'd like to dream about the adventure the day will bring."

Later, as I was flying into Minneapolis and looking over the acres and acres of farmhouses bathed in the breathtaking light the sun casts in the mid-morning hours, I thought - "Tommie could look at that land and see its potential. He could look and see how his heart could love that place." Finally, as my mom and brother were driving me to Mt. Vernon, Illinois, as we were passing equally exquisite and dilapidated farm buildings and fields of birds flying in a somehow concerted act of motion, as if someone were directing their flock in flight, I thought, "Tommie would want to stop and take a picture there, and here, and right there, and of that. He would love this place."

I want him with me. He's always threading through my thoughts in little and big things-at important and unimportant times. He is in every adventure I take and I don't think there is a time when I wouldn't rather have him here. I love that.

I also cherish how we are right now, and I love that right now, I can only wish and hope and dream of being with him as often as I'd like...it makes me love him so much stronger and it makes me appreciate him so much more. He really is in my head--all the time. He may not always be the central focus-and for obvious and good reason...but he's always there. I'm not sure I could ever explain how I love him. I'm not sure that it would matter much either, in light of how thankful I am for the way he love me. I feel it, it makes me better. He makes me better. I'm overcome right now with the love I have for him right now.

He's my man.

The Missional Missions of Missionaries and the Like.

I love mission trips. I've been on plenty, though none were long term, and each provided me with lessons and experiences I'm certain have shaped who I am and what I know about God. But then again, my every day experiences also have all provided me with lessons and experiences I'm certain have shaped who I am and what I know about God.

Mission trips trips give me a chance to express Christ's love and share the Gospel with people who may never have heard the reality and truth of Christ's sacrifice. Then again, my every day experiences also give me a chace to express Christ's love and share the Gospel with people woh may never have heard the reality and truth of Christ's sacrifice.

Mission trips give me a unique opportunity to serve God in a way I cannot in my daily life. Right? Well I think this one is probably one that I agree with. Just as baking with friends from class, watching children for a single mother and listening and caring for someone who is hurting all give me the unique opportunity to serve God in a way I cannot in my daily life.

I really do believe in mission trips. But here's the thing, I don't believe in mission trips if your life isn't missional already. More to come..............

These Shoes Won't Make People Love Me

Tommie would probably be first to tell you, I own a phenomenal number of shoes. I have flats in all the essential colors-including magenta and tweed-and heels that could stab through a sternum. I also have the mandatory retro tennies (nike in my case) and a few hand-me-downs that I got from my exceedingly style-savvy mom. I like my shoes. In fact, this past weekend I went to Target and bought 2 pairs at one time-both sandals, and both absolutely necessary, after all, my other brown sandals are showing their wear and might not make it through June...That's actually true. I have them sitting lonely in my closet thinking that if I just keep them there I won't have to admit that they've finally died.

Anyway, I have so many shoes that Tommie actually questioned me about where I thought I would put them all when we move into our house after we get married. Would I need another cabinet? Will he have to share his side of the closet in order to acommodate the shoes to match each of my personalities? I laughed at the time, and still find it light-hearted and amusing, but my mood tongiht (a bit melancholy, I must admit) has me thinking a bit differently about my obsession with shoes and the way it matches what I'm feeling right now.

I read an article by a girl named Tara Leigh Cobble. She was in a store looking for THE killer outfit for the event she was going to, at which she would see her crush. She found the outfit...but while waiting in line to purchase the must-have, she said outloud(apparently her subconscious is more powerful than mine): "This won't make people love me." She continued to say, " This outfit-it won't make people love me. I just realized that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to get people to love me by buying this oufit."

It's not that she's consciously thinking, this outfit will make people fall at my feet and drool. It's that her frame of thinking was, what I've got now won't do, I need to turn someone's head with something other than what I have. This outfit will register a feeling in someone's mind that wouldn't previously be there. I have to confess, I think I do the same thing with shoes on occasion. I think I look at a pair of shoes and think, "What would people think of me if I wore these shoes?" Would I be sexy, stylish, casual, emo, sweet-looking. What is it that I'm trying for? Will it make Tommie turn his head? Will the response to these shoes or this outfit finally make him do the thing that will let me know that he will love me forever? (by the way...a ring usually means that...)

Tonight I'm dying for Tommie to call. He's been in Alabama all week and I still won't see him until Friday late. It will only be two weeks we haven't seen each other, but I dare you to try it with your sweetheart before you smirk or laugh...it can be a little tough-not killer, but tough at least. Anyway, I'm dying for a phone call. I want him to say that he needs me, he HAS to talk to me because his night would not be complete without a soul-touching moment over the telephone lines. Actually, I want to call him, but I'm restraining myself because I know that I will be disappointed with what he has to "say," or at least what his actions (or my premption of his actions) have told my heart. I'm waiting for his actions to tell me that I'm loved by him when he's told me that more times that I probably need or deserve.

I do the same thing with shoes. I wear shoes sometimes just because they go with the outfit or because they have the right sole or attachments-because of their functionality of sorts...But there are times when I'm looking for my outfit to define me. I want people to see me and validate the fact that I'm emo, or sweet-looking, casual, stylish, sexy. Thing is, I preempt people's comments...I'm always disappointed with what they have to "say" because I'm hanging my hopes on the wrong thing.

I hope this is coming out okay and that anyone who's reading this following what I'm getting at. I want to say, I need to be careful with what I'm allowing to define my reality. Tommie may not call me, he may not tell me I'm beautiful today. No one may notice or mention the fact that I'm wearing magenta flats with a rhinestone brooch. They may not notice or they may not care. But there is one certainty---I have already been approved. I am already complete. I have already been made as beautiful as I could ever be. I have been accepted in all the forms that I come in (..I think even the sexy one...God made that too). The day Christ breathed his life into mine and the Spirit inhabited me I inheirited more acceptance and beauty than I would ever warrant on my own, or than shoes or phone calls could ever provide. I'm lonely and morose tonight-but it isn't right and I'll take the time to talk to God about it before I sleep. I'm accepted and loved now, as I am....AND SO ARE YOU if your life has been rejected then renewed by the Holy Spirit. It funny...all of that is so true, and yet, sometimes shoes are just fun....I'm still planning what shoes I'll wear tomorrow. The black flat Enzo Angelini ballets.

My Spring Break: Complete with SNOW!!!

So I just wanted to take a minute and let everyone know, instead of the beach and bikinis this year for spring break, I headed out to Denver to see my parents and today it snowed ALL DAY!

The first picture is at the beginning of the daya nd the next two are as the day progressed....it kept snowing harder and harder! Check it out:

I'll be headed up to Vail on Thursday to go snowboarding with my sister...in more snow. I'm psyched! This is really a very cool spring break.