[This is an old piece that I was looking over. I think it accurately describes the way I feel about Tommie...I was also thinking, I think this is the way I feel about God-except more...]

November 14, 2005

I woke up this morning in the Tampa airport as the sun was coming overthe buildings and reminding me to open my eyes. I had fallen asleep, waiting at the gate, and as I woke an overwhelming sense that I was about to have an adventure overcame me. Traveling always does that to me, it makes me hungry for adventure, hungry for a new beginning and so much potential. It scares me and thrills me, and as I sat there, I thought- "Tommie would love a morning like this. He'd like to dream about the adventure the day will bring."

Later, as I was flying into Minneapolis and looking over the acres and acres of farmhouses bathed in the breathtaking light the sun casts in the mid-morning hours, I thought - "Tommie could look at that land and see its potential. He could look and see how his heart could love that place." Finally, as my mom and brother were driving me to Mt. Vernon, Illinois, as we were passing equally exquisite and dilapidated farm buildings and fields of birds flying in a somehow concerted act of motion, as if someone were directing their flock in flight, I thought, "Tommie would want to stop and take a picture there, and here, and right there, and of that. He would love this place."

I want him with me. He's always threading through my thoughts in little and big things-at important and unimportant times. He is in every adventure I take and I don't think there is a time when I wouldn't rather have him here. I love that.

I also cherish how we are right now, and I love that right now, I can only wish and hope and dream of being with him as often as I'd like...it makes me love him so much stronger and it makes me appreciate him so much more. He really is in my head--all the time. He may not always be the central focus-and for obvious and good reason...but he's always there. I'm not sure I could ever explain how I love him. I'm not sure that it would matter much either, in light of how thankful I am for the way he love me. I feel it, it makes me better. He makes me better. I'm overcome right now with the love I have for him right now.

He's my man.