So What Am I Supposed to be Doing?

I've had an awful lot of time to think this week so far. Despite the fact that I'm technically supposed to have 20 hrs. of work a week from Student Life, I currently have had almost NO projects to work on this week. This is mostly due to the fact that my primary supervisor's dad passed away last week and he has been otherwise occupied, understandably. So, I've waited patiently (mostly) at the computer each day during my designated hours, hoping someone from the office will IM me or e-email me a project that desperately needs to be worked on. I'm afraid this might continue until next week when my boss is slated to return. We shall see. BUT, like I said, in the meantime, I've had plenty of opportunities to think and examine the question: "What Am I Supposed to be Doing?"

1.) I should be doing work for Student Life. That is what I am getting paid for. I have worked on and off on certain projects for them during this time, but even after requests for more, it seems I have exhausted my usefulness until my supervisor returns.

2.) I should be doing something "job-related." This would entail searching for other freelance writing opportunities, writing articles to be submitted to various magazines and online publications, even working on a book idea that I've had for about 4 years. Tommie keeps suggesting I organize my thoughts for this book idea that I've had....it's a scary thing to think though. I always wonder, is this really a book that needs/ought to be written? Won't it just be one more spine on a bookshelf among authors no one knows or cares about? Same goes for submitting magazine articles...what if they turn me down? What if no one cares about them? What if I'm a substandard writer and never knew it until an editor lets me know in no uncertain terms?
As far as the freelance opportunities, I think I've found a few that I might pursue as I wait for the return of my boss this week, just to ensure I'm working for someone.

3.) I should be doing something "Godly." Lately I have had the feeling that God is requesting, perhaps even requiring, more of me. This is a vague feeling that seems to have no obvious solutions. In fact, it seems only to have the vaguest of symptoms. I find myself sitting, reading CNN.com or Kallie and Buck's blog for the thousandth time, wondering, shouldn't I be fulfilling some Godly purpose set before me, or growing deeper in my relationship with Christ? Is is narcissistic to think that God has a "special" something for me?
Beyond that, I begin to examine the sad state of my personal spiritual pursuits. Why is it that despite all of my "free time" I seem to be neglecting Scripture, prayer, ministering to and with others? I think there is a fear in me, brought on by other experiences, that despite any regimen of "faith" I get into-20 min. of Bible study a day, 30 min. of prayer, etc.-that these things will leave me feeling no closer to God or my savior Christ. That instead they will make me wonder why obedience is not leading to desire as I was once taught that it does. However, there is a knowledge, deep inside me, that if sought God as he sought me, I would find Him where he always resides. If I realized that a regimen is not a relationship, if I spoke to Him about these things...then perhaps we would have a place to begin.

*So those seem to be the most obvious solutions to my "time" issues this week. I am thinking about all of them. Pursuing them in various forms and to varying degrees. I think change is always on its way, but sometimes you feel it more, and this is one of those times. It's probably coincidental that fall is also coming-one of my favorite seasons-but I will allow the coincidence to inspire me to follow the season change into one of my own. :)